Im torn. Torn between wanting to do nothing with this country that isn’t my mine and one that is my own.
There should be no reason for me to continue to live in a country that is so unwelcoming of me, where almost half of its population thinks I dont deserve to belong on their land and that im unworthy of their respect. But also where I get to go to school and get the best education there is. Why should I work hard and pay taxes to a state that would rather I packed my bags, left and never came back.
Its this constant battle between maybe wanting to go back home, with the privileged life and sexist people. A place that has no place for women but buried underneath it’s deeply patriarchal roots, suffocating their dreams and crushing their spirit. Where i would be but another pretty little face with no outlet to work, no way to make a living of my own -have an identity of my own.
This tug of war between choosing the lesser of two evils isn’t letting me embrace this foreign land i want to call home. I’m not giving it my all, im holding back as I continue to live as a ghost, my mind wandering all the way back home. Home where there is no one. I want to go back to a life that doesn’t even exist anymore. And now im stuck in a limbo.